(Sorry Mary, I seem to be following you round today.  It’s because I’ve got a new blogging tool and I’m playing catch-up.)
When I have etiquette dilemmas, I go to Marna, because she is SMRT.  Here’s a post of hers about Reasons to be nice to people in online fandom.
14) One of the many ways [...]

Via Mary, a great post from Dorothea Salo about how to make geekland more inviting:
So here is what you do, if you’re a man wanting to help. You say, “Um, was that supposed to be funny? Because, not laughing here.” You say, “Hey, could we not use that phrase? I don’t like it.” You say [...]