I’ve mentioned this upcoming work function, right? I hope you’re not sick of it yet, because I’ve still got plenty to say on the subject. Today, it’s another iteration of “How to dress yourself,” this time for semi-formal events such as … well, this work function, or a nice party.

I’ve had geek friends throw semi-formal parties just for the hell of it, sometimes for the most irrelevant occasions; in fact, I personally think that’s a great idea, since it lets you acclimatise to the idea of it in a low-stress environment. But what about the company’s mid-year function? That’s more stressful, at least if the number of my co-workers who avoid it is any indication.

So, coping with semi-formal. I’ve got some tips for men and women here. No guarantees as to completeness, but I hope these will give you some ideas.

First thing to remember is that not everyone means the same thing by semi-formal. Most geeks would interpret it as “nice pants and a nice shirt”, while non-geeks probably intend you to wear a suit — or the female equivalent. And, depending on who you ask and what circles you move in, it might even mean a tux — black tie — as opposed to white tie and tails, which is “formal”. Don’t worry about that unless you’re hanging out with royalty or something, though; in most cases somewhere between “nice pants and shirt” and “suit” will do the job, and that’s what I’m going to talk about now.

Men: General grooming

• If you don’t shave regularly, then make an effort for this occasion. Facial hair such as a beard is fine, but scruffy stubble isn’t. (If you can tell the difference between scruffy stubble and sexy stubble, congratulations; but that’s kind of an advanced subject.)
• Make your hair nice. If you have long hair, make sure it’s washed, brushed, and that any ponytail is done neatly. If it’s short, it still needs washing.
• Everything you wear needs to be in good condition. It’s part of showing respect for the occasion, the host, and your fellow attendees. It doesn’t hurt to send your intended clothes to a professional cleaner (whether for dry-cleaning or just washing and pressing your shirt) if you don’t generally do these things yourself.
• This applies everywhere, not just at semi-formal events, but if you want to look your best, stand up straight and don’t slouch. You might not be feeling entirely comfortable dressed up, but if you can fake it you’ll actually feel better as well as look better.

So, on to the two main options available for the guys:

Men’s Option 1: Wear a suit

You’ve probably got one in your closet somewhere, perhaps for job interviews. The good news is, it’s acceptable for most semi-formal events, especially those with a business flavour. Just a few suit-wearing tips:

• Dark suits are more formal than light coloured ones. Chances are your suit is black, charcoal, or navy. Those should be fine.
• Make sure your suit is clean and well-pressed; if you don’t wear it often, take it out and check it over a few days ahead of time, and get it cleaned if it has any stains or other issues.
• Your shirt can be white, blue, or another colour. I’d go for a plain, solid colour rather than stripes or checks, and choose a fabric that’s smooth to the touch, rather than textured; these options are slightly more formal than patterned, nubbly fabric.
• For semi-formal events, choose a tie in a solid colour or faint pattern. Broad stripes, big patterns, or humorous designs aren’t right for this kind of occasion.
• Make sure your shoes are suitable — plain black leather with a non-clunky sole is best — and well-polished.

Men’s option 2: Dark pants and nice shirt

This one’s best for geeks who don’t have a suit handy, or for the sort of event that’s not businessy: a New Year’s party, or a formal dinner at a geek convention, for example. Here’s what you wear:

• Pants/trousers (choose your own dialect) should be dark, ideally black. Not black jeans. We’re talking about the sort of pants that might come with a suit, even if they don’t have a jacket to match. Ideally they’re made of wool or a wool blend. They need to be in good condition, clean, and pressed. The point here is to look “dressed up”.
• Now, choose a shirt that also looks “dressed up”. One thing I often see on geeks of my acquaintance are shirts in darker colours such as dark red, plum, green, or grey that have a bit of a sheen to them. Not shiny like some synthetic satiny fabrics, but just catching the light a little bit. You also want something with a nice “hand”, meaning it feels smooth and like it’s good quality.
• You can wear the shirt without a tie. You might even like to choose one with a different sort of collar, perhaps a mandarin collar or similar.
• Shoes as above, in option 1. Also make sure you have a nice belt: black, with a non-chunky buckle.

One important point: if you don’t like the darker shirt colours, you can get away with lighter ones, but don’t try this with a plain white shirt with black pants: it’ll make you look like a waiter.

For women: geek-friendly options

As usual, the range of things suitable for women to wear is much broader and harder to describe than for men, so I’ll just offer a few ideas and generalities.

• Semi-formal dress for women usually means a dress or skirt of some kind, but nice trousers/pants are also an option. Go for something black in a nice fabric — pure wool, or velvet, or a nice synthetic — and pair it with a dressy top.
• Dressy tops are usually shiny, slinky, or drapey in some way. A jacket over the top can help you feel less exposed, if you’re not used to wearing this kind of top. One of my personal favourites is a mandarin-collared jacket in Chinese silk worn over a slinky black tank top, but there are heaps of options available.
• You need to wear nice shoes. They don’t have to have heels, but they should be dressy in some way. And make sure they’re in good condition: scuffs or other marks will detract from the whole outfit.
• Jewelry is often a good idea with semi-formal. I hardly ever wear any other than my watch and my semi-permanent piercings, but for this kind of event I’ve got some less chunky earrings for the huge holes in my earlobes, and a couple of necklaces that add interest to the neckline of my “nice” tops.
• Getting a little personal for a minute: a good bra is essential. Whatever you normally wear, you need something that holds the girls up, rather than squishing them flat or letting them hang loose, to look good with semi-formal.
• If you object to shaving your legs, and live in a culture that generally expects it, then you might want to choose pants or a long skirt, or opaque tights rather than sheer ones. Ditto armpits and long sleeves. This is highly culturally dependent, however.
• If wearing make-up is something you do, then this is a good time to do it. If you don’t usually wear make-up, now is probably not the time to try.
• Ditto your hair: if you can style it interestingly, perhaps “upstyled” or with an attractive clasp of some kind, that’d be nice. If fancy hairdos aren’t your thing, you need to at least make sure that you’re looking as if you’ve made a bit of extra effort. Make sure your hair is clean, conditioned, and well brushed. If you’ve got long hair, you can wear it loose — annoying for everyday, but nice for a dressed-up event — or perhaps choose a decorative ponytail clasp.

For geek women dressing up for semi-formal events — especially ones for non-geeks — there’s one additional pitfall you need to avoid. Me, I keep screwing this one up. The thing is, sometimes we get so stressed about the semi-formal event and the fact that we have to dress up for it, that we try too hard and over-dress. If you think you might be prone to doing this, the only thing I can suggest is to plan in advance, and acquire semi-formal gear before the stress hits. If you know you’ve got a couple of suitable, elegant options in the cupboard and feel confident wearing them, you’re less likely to wind up looking like a 5 year old playing dressups.

Liz Henry reminded me to mention that for female geeks, there’s always a trade-off between femininity and geek cred. While the balancing act is most noticable at work, in business casual and similar environments, you’re going to have to juggle the same issues for more formal events as well. The good news is, while wearing a nice matching skirt and top every day might kill your credibility with the geek crowd, you can get away with a lot more when you’re dressing up for a special event. You might get the odd surprised-but-approving comment (“Skud! I didn’t know you *owned* lipstick!”), but nobody will rag you about it on Monday morning. Geek events such as science fiction conventions are positively designed to give you an opportunity to frock up once in a while, if that’s your cup of tea, so enjoy the opportunity while you can.